R and J in the USA

As we mentioned in our Minnesota Overview post, we had our first negative “People Along the Way” encounter entering the fairgrounds at the Minnesota State Fair. It was only one person and we saw it as no reflection of Minnesota, as we had many more positive encounters within minutes of the negative one, let alone all of our days in the state. And we like to think that even this particular person is not fully defined by what he said and how he behaved in this one encounter. And we all know there are people that can be rude or mean, or worse, in every state and country in the world and throughout history. It’s humans being humans. But what struck us the most about this encounter was its rarity.

If you go online, especially in any comments section, which are often thought best to be avoided if you want to keep your mood in any positive direction, or read the media, it could seem that we are all fighting with each other, somewhat ferociously even, nearly all the time, having mostly nasty, divisive things to say to or about each other for one reason or another. 

This is a huge part of why we wanted to go on this trip, to relate to our fellow Americans in every nook and cranny of the nation as what most of us are – real people, decent people, people that are kind and caring to each other, and more often than not, civil, and even generous. We are all just people going through the same people-y things and maybe just have different lives, histories, and perspectives that are hard for each of us to understand. Sure, there is only so much you can see or experience in five days in a state, rushing through each place with only a few hours to spend there. And it’s easy to be nice and decent when just passing through and not needing to make any big decisions together or navigate the challenges of making communities work or having to sift through complex issues with all their nuances and complex layers of inputs, outputs, and players. But, still, there is a decency and a civility that is present everywhere, one that we had hoped is available to be fed and stoked. And we wanted to be steeped in it and to add to it and to amplify it wherever and however we can, if only in our own little way. 

We know we are spoiled and have only a surface level view of people and their lives as we travel from state to state. But sometimes you can see something more real and more indicative of what runs deep sitting right there on the surface than can be found in the types of abstract conversations and debates that people can get worked up about and polarized in. What’s deep inside can get clouded through the complications of life and trying to navigate it together and on our own amidst each other. Sometimes, from a distance, you can see more closely what is really there trying to make its way out into the world. 

We’ve had encounter after encounter with people in every place and in every kind of place that display the same delightful qualities despite whatever differences might be present between us. We’ve seen people display qualities just because it’s who they are, not because the circumstances demanded they display any such qualities. 

And, what’s more, we’ve seen almost every single set of eyes widen up with some degree of joy, aspiration, or enthusiasm at the idea of seeing all 50 states when we share about our trip. Maybe that means nothing other than people like to travel. But, to us, it seems more that a lot of people have a sense of the whole country as something they are part of and want to be part of and they want to see it – the whole thing. Perhaps it’s only for the adventure of it, but we sense something more to it. Perhaps we are projecting our own feelings or what we want to see, but, among the people we have met so far, we have sensed people wanting to see the land of which they feel in some way a part, to see beyond the part of it that they call home. We haven’t run into one single, “Why would you want to do that?” or “No thank you – I don’t want to know THOSE people”. Not to say that people who feel that way are not out there. Or even that perhaps we did meet them and they just decided not to say it to us. But we haven’t encountered them, and history has shown that human beings are more than capable to think and say such things, so their absence is not insignificant as far as we can tell. We are finding there to be an inherent respect from state to state, a curiosity from place to place about the places that are different from theirs. We are grateful to get to see that by being on this trip in the way that we are. 

As for what qualities we are seeing in each encounter, it’s kindness, decency, hospitality, generosity, curiosity, passion, and pride of people and place. These qualities are all very much alive and well in the cities, towns, villages, and backroads of America if you are willing to stop and have a conversation with someone. It is the striking absence of any open division, hatred, or negativity that has been the most heartwarming. We are not saying the differences, conflicts, and distances aren’t there. And we are wildly and fortunately sheltered from the hardships and conflicts that are most certainly present in places we are not privy to or seeking out in this particular journey. But we are saying they are not standing in the way of the easy accessibility to the closeness, kindness, and decency that is naturally there as well. We are traveling the country from a place of many privileges and good fortunes and that is not lost on us. These privileges could be part of what is gaining us access to certain civilities. But even if so, we are finding civility in places that, when isolated from each other and finding their only source of shared identity in digital places, that very civility and camaraderie are lacking. And we are still hopeful that any privileges we have that influence what we do or don’t encounter does not minimize what we are seeing and hearing, and, more importantly, what we are not seeing and not hearing, or very very rarely so. 

Yes, there are political signs on lawns expressing deeply passionate views on deeply conflicting sides that paint a picture of people who would, at least in comments sections and polls and media stories, be seen as opposing each other. But at the same time we have gotten into many wonderful conversations about real issues that have been mutually edifying, enriching, and give-and-take-ing. And we were sure that if each of us in those conversations had been reduced to picking a flag to fly with a simple slogan upon it, we would have found ourselves more than alienated from each other. We would have found ourselves judging and not trusting each other, appearing to be distant from each other, and in conflict with each other, rather than talking and listening and enjoying the back and forth of real dialogue. We wouldn’t have been able to share in conversation, make memories, and exchange kindnesses and hospitalities. 

Underneath it all, we have found there are a lot of shared frustrations, though they may manifest differently, or at least understandable and relatable values and priorities that lie underneath different frustrations that lead to different conclusions. We know experiencing this and saying it and sharing it from our teeny little place in the world is barely a drop of water in the ocean, but we were glad to be having such conversations and adding our own little drop of water in the direction we want to be part of feeding, if not for the country’s sake, for our own edification and feelings of hope and remembrance that this United States of America is a nation filled with people. People with pride and with passion. Maybe a people that has forgotten how to talk to each other, but a people with plenty of interesting things to say if we can find a way back to listening to each other.

Enough of our waxing poetic or soap boxing, if it comes off as either. The point is, we mentioned our one particularly negative People Along the Way experience for its exceptionality in our experience of multiple months on the road. Maybe we are just seeing what we want to see, engaging in the human tendency to see the world in terms that strengthen a point of view that you already have or want to believe. Perhaps that is so, but it is there to be seen if looked for. And, for better or worse, we do want to believe. And while we are seeing more than enough to fill us with a sense of adventure, fun, and awe at nature’s beauty, we are also seeing enough to water a seed of hope that we can all find each other again across these 50 United States of America.