R and J in the USA

When the Home Run 5K was done, we all gathered by the Northlands Rescue Mission where there were plenty of foldable plastic tables set out for a group picnic. Behind the building, there was a huge grill set up and a handful of volunteers pumping out hot-off-the-griddle hamburgers and hot dogs. There was salad, chips and a big batch of delicious looking cookies. There were a second set of tables in this area in addition to the ones around the corner.

There was a fantastic band playing old hits, from classic rock to classic country. 

It was a great little gathering. For better or worse, it was fairly easy to tell the difference between the picnic participants that were fresh off the race, and those that were beneficiaries of the Mission’s service, from their dress, their demeanor and their behavior.

For the most part, each group was slightly self-segregating by table, sitting with the people they knew, or even if they didn’t know each other, with whom they could most easily relate. 

When we walked into the area, we had a sense that the point of this gathering was to mix and mingle and to overcome the barriers between people struggling in life in certain ways that would bring them to the Mission and those who were not struggling in those same ways – two parts of society that don’t usually mingle. The post-race picnic itself had provided the physical opportunity to overcome that barrier. Now it was up to all of us as individuals to overcome the barriers that remained inside each of our own natural habits, preconceptions and comfort levels, on all sides. 

Julie had gotten up some friendly banter with one gentleman in the line at the grill that she had first seen when she had gone inside the Mission to use the facilities. The door into and out of the Mission had a lock and you had to be buzzed in or out. When in the Mission, she and this one man had met with glances only, and that formed a base of familiarity that led them to have a casual and friendly conversation by the grill. Julie was too amped after the race to eat anything and so had left empty-handed, except for a new friendly acquaintance. After a few casual hi’s and hello’s exchanged, Julie headed over towards where lots of the runners were sitting. Then she realized that tendency to simply stick with people like herself and recognized, that was not the point of this whole thing, and it was worth putting in the effort to try to grow and expand as a person.

Julie saw a quiet gentleman sitting alone at a table. He looked maybe a little worse for the wear in ways that made it seem clear, he was probably with the Mission and not one of the racers. This perception may have been prejudice. Regardless of who he was or was not, Julie still wanted to do her best to mix and mingle with new folks. He looked as shy as could be.

Julie walked up to the long table and sat down three or so chairs away from him. He didn’t look like he wanted to engage or make eye contact, so Julie sat down trying to find the line between looking open to conversing without being intrusive.

The gentleman was looking down at his lap the whole time. Julie wasn’t sure if he was looking at a phone, a book or just looking away. 

Julie decided to just sit there and hang out and listen to the music. After maybe 5 minutes she made some banal comment about the weather.

”What a beautiful day it is.” She commented in his direction, trying to get a sense of if he was interested to engage at all.

He gave a slight smile and nod and then went back to not looking at her. He seemed more shy than disinterested, but, it was hard to tell.

Julie figured, or, maybe hoped, there was still some value in just sitting there, somewhat together, even if no words were exchanged.

One of the things that Julie found was part of her internal barrier was the unknown and all of the fears that go with that. Julie had no idea what life was like for the folks that come to this Mission and no idea how much they wanted to share about that. She didn’t know what to say to relate to any of them that would be engaging and respectful, nor if that’s even something that would be welcome. Julie figured, the least she could do was sit inside these discomforts and stew in them in company with people having a different life experience than her and hope that whatever behavior she could muster would be respectful, at least, and positive at best. Julie tried to imagine what the gentleman might be feeling. She, throughout her life has known more than a few introverts and more than a few people with some deep wounds. Sometimes, what they most want is to feel like they don’t have to say anything. She didn’t know if either of these things applied to this gentleman or if her guess that they did was just a terrible prejudice on her part, but his behavior seemed to match at least one of these. Of course, maybe he just wasn’t in the mood to chat or just wasn’t in the mood to chat with Julie. 

No matter what, Julie hoped just sitting there near this gentleman without pushing him to chat would be some kind of way of welcoming him and connecting with him while also hoping that having all these hopes and putting so much thought and attention to it wasn’t her just being some massive condescending, prejudicial prick. Hard to say. Julie just surrendered to the fact that being a human being is weird, awkward and flawed, and she was just going to have to do her best.

And, even after all that supposing and hoping, she had no idea if sitting close-ish to him without talking was providing any connection or positivity at all.  Maybe she was just crowding him or making him feel awkward. Hard to say without a lot of feedback to indicate how things were going. Julie just stuck with the plan and the hope. With the gentleman at the grill, she had found it easy to interact. With the gentleman she shared the table with, she had surrendered to simply doing her best and hoping it was positive.

Before long, the boisterous group of racers we had been chatting with and Ryan all came and joined at the table. The gentleman Julie had been attempting to connect with stayed there, now surrounded by boisterous college students as we all vociferously got to chatting about life and the race and he stayed there, within his own bubble amidst it all.

When he finally got up to leave, as he was walking away, he stopped and turned back and waved goodbye to Julie with a shy smile.

Julie was ecstatic.

Maybe she had made the right choices. Maybe there had been a little connection across a long bridge of difference between two people living very different lives in very different worlds. Maybe Julie was feeling too proud and giving herself too much credit, but, no matter what, Julie was feeling enriched by the interaction and hoping he did too. Whether or not Julie had succeeded in providing the gentleman with anything additive to his life, he certainly had given something to her.

Then the woman who had organized the whole race got up to give the awards.

Before getting into the race awards, she got into what this race was about. Before long, it was clear that this was, in large part, a one-woman show and that this woman had worked her butt off to put on this race. It was clearly new and small, but there were 40 of us racers there and a good 20-30 beneficiaries of the services of the Mission. She talked about all that went into running the Mission and how grateful she was to all the racers for supporting the organization by coming out to run the race. She also talked about how she would be retiring and handing over the heavy reigns.

Then she got all choked up.

”And, most of all, thank you for coming to this barbecue. This is what we wanted more than anything. To give our people a chance to feel welcomed by and part of the community – to have our people have the opportunity to mix in among people in the community.”

It was really touching to listen to this woman with such passion and dedication to her mission. Hearing her talk, we were inspired and also felt a little guilty that we hadn’t made more of an effort to overcome the barriers of our own preconceptions and fears to mix and mingle more fully. There was still a significant amount of separation in the tables between the racers and the folks utilizing the Mission’s offerings, but there was some intermingling and the woman who organized it seemed to feel more than happy with the results. It was an admirable mission and one that we felt very proud and honored to be part of, if only for a morning.

We were not sure if our little drops in a huge bucket were making any difference on this trip, or whether they were just symbolic or just appeasing our own sense of adventure and patting ourselves on the back, but we hoped we were actually contributing real value, if only in little ways. Watching this admirable woman investing herself so deeply and wholeheartedly into her mission, we definitely knew we were a long ways from making a contribution or sacrifice anywhere near in the vicinity of what she was doing. But getting a chance to be in her orbit and a part of her efforts, we definitely felt good about our mission to do these 5Ks as an attempt to contribute, at least the teeniest bit, to the communities along the way. There was no question that the communities were contributing to us. As for this particular woman with a mission, we are definitely among the people that, in her mission, she had touched and elevated.