R and J in the USA

We were having a lovely 8th wedding anniversary, one that could even be called downright magical. You can read more about that in the Alaska State-by-State section where we detail the day’s events. Only a week before, Julie had written a rumination about the exceptionality of having had only one negative People Along the Way experience and how wonderful it was in its rarity. That’s when humanity said, “Hold my mojito, and happy anniversary mother-f&^*ers.”

After a lovely day we made our way to one of the ship’s restaurants to use our one credit for a meal outside the complimentary buffet offerings. We made our way to the 13th floor – the top floor – to the ship’s onboard Brazilian Steakhouse.

The host sat us at a small table cozied up in the corner of this half-circle shaped restaurant. Julie was facing in towards the rest of the restaurant, able to see the semi circle of windows spanning views of the cruise ship and the gorgeous nature in the sunset on either side.

Ryan was facing the corner. He had a wall and one window in his view, the window right next to our table.

After settling in and looking at the menu before getting up to go the salad bar, we peered out the window beside us at the beautiful scenery. From the table kitty corner from us, a quarter of the way between our little corner and the salad bar and with the expanse of the restaurant around it, a very loud voice was saying with a somewhat demanding tone to the waiter, “The sun is in my eyes. Lower that curtain over there will you?”

She was pointing at the shade of the window that was at each of our elbows, with zero acknowledgement or care whatsoever that this window was the one at our table and was the only window out of which Ryan had a view. He of course was looking at that same bright sun she was looking at, as they were along the same line of sight to it. He was mildly squinting, but also watching the setting sun very quickly disappear behind the mountains, and he was aware he would only need to squint for maybe all of the next 120 seconds. He also utilized the fantastic endowments of the human body, like neck muscles and the ability to shift his positioning slightly, to endure the temporary and mild discomfort without ado.

At this point, we were already a bit surprised at what was happening. How the woman made her request, the tone in which she did it, and what was absent from it were about 20 steps over the line of common courtesy and politeness. There was no, “Excuse me, would you mind asking those folks if they’d mind putting their curtain down, just while the sun is setting?” There was definitely no polite walking up to us and asking if we’d mind doing it ourselves. And there was DEFINITELY no simply dealing with the temporary inconvenience, let alone looking the other way for three minutes. Or, if really miserable, maybe even turning your chair, or asking for a different table. All things that would have been on the table for us and for most if not all of the other 2200 lovely people on board with whom we had nothing but neutral or positive interactions as we navigated life on a ship together.

Now, if you know Ryan, he doesn’t have an impolite bone in his body. He is just about the most polite and easy-going human being that exists on the planet, not to mention kind and decent. 

He turned his head toward the woman’s table and said, “We’d prefer to keep it open for the view.” It was an odd circumstance, but we knew we weren’t interested in just bending to this person’s inconsiderate will. 

Well, this woman was not having any of our bull^&$^. Heeeelll no! 

“You can look everywhere else for views!” she hurled at Ryan. “The sun is blinding me!”

She was fine. Her eyesight was clearly working just fine as she stared daggers in our direction. And she was saying none of this quietly, nor demurely. She was yelling and not caring who is, or was, enjoying their dinner while she does it. 

At this point, Ryan, not particularly interested in indulging behavior like this, but also wanting to be a respectful neighbor, had come up with a solution. He reached forward to adjust the shade and said, “We’ll put it down for the next few minutes until the sun goes down behind the mountains.”

We didn’t even get an angry, exasperated, “Finally! Thank you! Jeez.” This would have been an on-brand response for the woman. No siree.  Nope, what Ryan got – WHILE he was putting the shade down – was an impassioned declaration for all to hear: “F&^#ing a&#hole!”

If you’ve met Ryan, you know this statement is downright comical. 

Ryan turned his head toward her table and said in an even tone, “Were you talking to me?” The gentleman sitting across the table from the cacophonous woman calmly responded to him, “I believe she was.” Ryan replied, again in an even tone, “I think that was uncalled for.”

The woman continued ranting about being blinded, even though the sun was pretty much behind the mountains at this point. After about ten seconds, the gentleman sitting next to the woman said to her, with zero patience and much disgust, “Will you settle down?”

Nobody at her table apologized to us for her, but they weren’t getting in on the action either, and they certainly weren’t coming to her defense.

Ryan was unaffected by the whole incident. 

Julie, on the other hand, was a little stirred up and had trouble settling right back into a romantic anniversary dinner. Ryan figured he probably wouldn’t have felt as calm as he did if Julie had been on the receiving end of the rudeness instead of him, so he understood why Julie was more affected by it.

Julie was fantasizing about getting up and giving the woman a piece of her mind. “I’ll have you know you just called the most wonderful, decent, kind, generous, and all-around fantastic human being on the earth a f^&%& a^%^hole. What does that say about you!”

Then the revenge fantasies got much weirder and more extreme. Julie’s primal human brain began fantasizing about what she might do if the woman kept it up and Julie got to go all Peppermint on her (reference to an insane Jennifer Garner vengeance flick). “I may be small, but I’m scrappy as f^%$,” Julie imagined herself saying to the woman. 

Then, in her most intense instinct, she began to fantasize about going up to the woman and saying, “Excuse me ma’am. Can I talk with you in private for a minute?” In the fantasy, the woman accepts the invitation, though in reality that is less than likely. Then Julie imagined asking the woman, “Are you okay?” When the woman took offense to that, Julie would say, “No. I sincerely want to know how you are doing. How are you? Are you okay? There is no way a person can reasonably get so upset about a window shade and treat people that way if they are doing okay on the inside. I really want to know how you are doing?”

That thought settled Julie down a little bit. In the fantasy, the woman’s face goes through multiple emotions of being offended, angry, annoyed, disgusted, then softening to nervous, scared, then welling up with tears and pouring her heart out. In Julie’s weird little empathy fantasy, it ends with a hug, a thank you, and an apology to Ryan (preferably with a little humble begging – no, too far, sneaky vengeance fantasy creeping back in).

The revenge fantasy where Julie get’s the upper hand on a woman more than twice her size was probably more realistic than this touchy feely version, and it was a teeny bit more fun to be angry and have vengeance fantasies. And though it was slightly annoying to have surges of empathy, ultimately the empathy fantasies did feel better.

What kind of misery must someone be experiencing, at least on some level, to walk through the world that way? Or maybe she was just a rotten person at the core. Who’s to say, but Julie prefers to believe the old adage, “Hurt people hurt people.”

Julie was feeling better now that her revenge fantasies were replaced by empathy fantasies. Then she felt even better remembering the lesson she learned from the parking attendant in Minnesota who had been treated as poorly. (You can read about that in another People Along the Way post.) “People are people. You just gotta let ‘em be people.” And with that, Julie’s swirl of mixed emotions finally settled down to a stasis. No need for excessive revenge, nor for excessive empathy. Just let people be people and go about your life. Julie was still more than ready to escape being in this little corner and interested to return to the freedom of the rest of the ship outside of this woman’s orbit.

Despite the woman’s unpleasantness, she actually gave us a truly wonderful anniversary present beyond just a good story, a new term of endearment that we now use often and with tremendous glee.

As the hours of our anniversary came to a close, and we looked into each other’s eyes, affectionately caressing each other’s cheeks awash in love and romance, Julie looked deep into Ryan’s eyes and said, “I love you, you f^%*ing a&^hole.”